I'd wear matching sweaters with you
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You can't just leave with hair like that
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
