if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
