the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
