I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
