It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
