Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
