so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
