morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
