i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
