Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
