the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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