I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I need water and some morals
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
