I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
