We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
