dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
