smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
