is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Acid is not a monday night drug
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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