i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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