in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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