well you can't waste a boner
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
