actually, I'm a sock model
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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