If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
