You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
