Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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