Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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