Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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