I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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