if i can run in heels then i can drive
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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