I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
