that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
