Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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