my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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