Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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