I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
