as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
