I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
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