are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
