dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize