My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
