apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
It was confusing and full of hummus
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
