Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
