I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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