youre lurking in front of me
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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