I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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