i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
