Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
