I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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