I just saw a hot homeless man
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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