I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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