Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
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