I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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