he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
