i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
