I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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