i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
