I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
