I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
