You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
