the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Randomize
