cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
pop tarts are not kleenex
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
