Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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