3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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