Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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