I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
