Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
