Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
