I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
