I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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