Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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